Sunday, December 18, 2011

Deep Frying a Turkey

I asked my very good friend, Terry, for instructions on deep frying a turkey. Below is the response I received. Even though Thanksgiving has passed I thought I would share this, as it’s great for a laugh. 



You asked for the instructions to deep fry the turkey. Here ya go…

Needed
5 gallons of peanut oil
A turkey (No shit Sherlock!)
A turkey frying pot and related equipment
Burn ointment
Cajun injecting sauce
Cajun seasoning rub
A nice bottle of single malt scotch or other GOOD scotch
A Padron cigar (substitutes allowed)
A short glass
Ice – preferable crushed
A match or two
I hope you filled the propane tank by now!!!

Process
Pour scotch into a short glass with crushed ice.
Let it sit.
Dry off turkey.
Sample scotch, if okay, refill glass. If not, finish it and try again.
Stand turkey upright.
Inject turkey with Cajun Butter/Garlic marinade (no fat)
Check scotch. Still cold? Good. Down it.
Coat turkey with a lot of Cajun seasoning.
Take it outside where you will cook. Unless you are deep frying it inside in which case you are a moron.
Light burner.
Light cigar. SHIT you forgot the scotch.
Go back in and refill glass.
Sip scotch and smoke cigar while oil is heating to 375.
When oil is ready, finish off the scotch and SLOWLY lower turkey into oil.
You probably need the burn ointment now. Apply this liberally or drink the scotch faster.
Cook the turkey for about 3.5 minutes per pound.
Continue with cigar and scotch until turkey is done.
Put the scotch and cigar down.
Turn off burner.
Slowly raise turkey from oil.
Let it drain over the oil.
Make sure cigar didn’t go out.
Finish the cigar, drink the scotch and take the turkey in.
While turkey is cooling apologize to Robyn for getting shitfaced while cooking.
Bada bing bada boom. That’s all there is to it.

Enjoy. Happy Thanksgiving!

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